


Stay

by punkrockpoetlaureate



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-16 02:34:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3471158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkrockpoetlaureate/pseuds/punkrockpoetlaureate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Shane lives. Set in the prison. Shane and Rick have made up, but things are still awkward and new after Lori's death. Shane is raising Judith and knows he needs help. He wants to mend his relationship with Rick and give them both a chance to be parents to Judith. This is a Rick/Shane story, but it'll be semi-slow burn, depending on how many chapters I write.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He’d tried everything. She wouldn't take the bottle he’d made, and she didn't need her diaper changed. She wasn't fevered, so he didn’t think she was sick. He had a blanket around her, so she couldn’t have been too cold. He bounced her gently in his arms and tried talking to her in a low, soothing voice. Nothing was working. It had crossed his mind a few times that maybe she just hated him. He thought he’d heard that somewhere before, babies could sense things. He wouldn't be surprised if she didn’t like him. He paced the floor of the empty cell block where he'd brought her when she wouldn't settle down, trying to keep from waking anyone up.

"Hey."

He sighed, relieved at the sound of Rick's voice. "Rick, I don't know what to do. She won't stop crying. I've tried everything."

Rick held his hands out and Shane gratefully handed Judith to him. He laid her down on the mattress in the cell and wrapped her up tightly, which seemed to calm her instantly. Once Rick had her entirely bundled he cradled her in his arms. "Swaddling. Makes babies this little feel safe."

Shane rubbed a hand over his head. "Shit, man. I don't know how to do this."

"No one does at first. You figure it out as you go."

"Maybe….” He hesitated, not wanting to say what he was thinking. “Maybe you should just take her, Rick, 'cause I can't take care of her. I'm not a dad. I can't do it."

"Hey." Rick moved next to him "She's yours. You can't just give her away."

"We don't know that she's mine," he argued. It had been nagging at him since they’d found out that Lori was pregnant. There would never be any way for them to know for sure, but they’d all done the math and pretty much guessed that she was his. He didn’t want to abandon the baby, but if she was with Rick, she’d probably be better off. 

"Shane," Rick said seriously. "She's yours. She is, and you can do this. It's just hard because it's new. You've got all of us to help you."

He didn't know how Rick could be so sure, especially after what they'd gone through. "Will you help me?" He had no right to ask. Not after what he'd done, but if he was going to do this, and if anyone was gonna help him do it, he needed it to be Rick.

"I just said I would."

"No." He put his hands on Rick's shoulders, leaning in close but speaking quietly so that he wouldn't disturb the baby now that she'd settled. "I need you. Not just every once in a while, not just sometimes. I need you all the time. Not just for her, for me."

Rick's eyes held his, like he was searching for something. He didn't seem angry like Shane might've thought he’d be. They’d come a long way since arriving at the prison. Things still weren’t perfect and Lori’s death had been difficult for the both of them. Nothing had ever been fully resolved, but it seemed to have fallen away throughout their months on the road. What had happened didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was surviving. 

It was easy for them to fall back into their old ways, leaning on each other and having each other’s backs. They’d done it for so long that they didn’t even have to think about it. Even when they’d been too angry to look at each other, it still managed to work. 

"I know I have no right to ask you," Shane told him.

"But you are asking."

"I am."

"Why?"

His hands dropped to his sides. "Because everyone hates me. With good reason, now, don't get me wrong. They might wanna help for her sake, but they don't give a damn about me. You do. You still do."

"You're wrong. Everyone might disagree with some of the things you've done but they know that you're one of the main reasons that they're safe."

Rick was trying to make him feel better, but he didn't care. He didn't need them to like him. It was nice that they all wanted to pitch in and help with the baby, and he appreciated it, but he knew how they felt. He knew that her being taken care of was the important thing, but if this was an opportunity to make up for all of the ways he’d hurt Rick, that was what he wanted. Besides that, it had been a hard enough blow to lose Lori. Shane didn’t want Rick to feel like he’d lost the baby, too. He wanted him to have a relationship with her. 

"You knew me before all this. Before I was...." Before he was whatever this world had turned him into. 

Rick shifted Judith in his arms easily, not disturbing her in the least. "I knew you before and I know you now. And I know that you can do this."

"I'm not talking about that right now. I'm talking about me and you."

"What about me and you?"

"I want you to do this with me."

Rick put Judith down in the middle of the mattress. She was sound asleep.

"Why me?"

"You really need me to answer that?" Shane asked, unable to hold back his smile. "You and me, man, we need each other. We always did."

It took a while, but Rick returned his smile.

"I know I fucked everything up. And I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making that up to you. I'll do whatever I have to do. But please do this."

"I will...but I know you could manage by yourself."

Shane looked down at Judith, tiny and asleep in the center of the mattress. He didn’t know how he could be responsible for something…someone so delicate. Not in a world like this. Not with how he was. "I don't know. She needs you. You'll teach her all the right things. And I need you...I need you 'cause you make me better."

"You don't need me for that. You need to do that yourself. For her."

He knew Rick was right. He had a good reason to try and be a better person now. He couldn't change the world Judith was growing up in, but he could try to change himself.

"I will."

Rick smiled. "Good. And you have me, so don't worry."

Shane breathed easier after he said that, like the weight of being responsible for such a small person had been lifted. He owed it to Lori not to screw this up, and he knew that with Rick’s help it would be easier. That maybe together they could try to give this little girl the best life that they could. He knew he couldn’t give her a life without risk or even raise her without teaching her to fear being outside the walls of the prison. It just wasn’t ever going to happen like that. He couldn’t give her that. 

He could at least try to make the prison as safe as possible. He could help keep the people inside safe. He could try to make their relationships stronger and better, try to make it seem like a real family for her. She deserved that. It wouldn’t look like what any of them had had when they were kids. Even Carl had gotten to know what it was like to live in a house and go to school and play with his friends. She would never have any of that. They had to try and make up for that in every way that they could. 

As much as being a father scared him, he wanted her to be safe and happy, and he would do whatever he could to make it happen. He didn’t know much about how to go about being a parent, but Rick did. Of course he knew that Carol and Hershel were both parents, too, and could tell him everything he needed to know, and the girls liked to help, and Carl wanted to do everything he could. But Rick always knew what he was thinking before he said it, they'd always been there for each other before. He wanted them doing this together. He thought that they could be good parents to Judith. 

They sat down on the floor next to the bed, ignoring how uncomfortable the floor was. He let the thoughts play out in his mind while he watched Judith sleep. At some point, Rick dozed off and he looked so uncomfortable that Shane wanted to wake him and send him to his bed, but he realized in that moment how exhausted he was and didn’t think he could move. The metal of the bedframe was already pressing uncomfortably into his back, but he moved just enough to rest his head on the mattress and surrendered himself to the fact that he was going to wake up sore. 

That was the first night that Judith slept for more than a couple of hours. And even though he was sitting on hard concrete with metal digging into his spine, his head had somehow managed to rest on Rick’s shoulder and it was the first night Shane slept soundly in months. Despite how sore he was when he woke up, he knew that there was nothing he wanted more than for Rick to stay with him again the next night.


	2. Chapter 2

Because they’d known each other for their entire lives, Shane had known Rick would keep his word when it came to caring for the baby. Rick had been busy making plans for the garden he and Hershel were planting, scheduling supply runs, and generally doing everything he could to make everyone feel safe. Shane didn’t understand how he’d always been able to do that. They might’ve believed Shane when he would say he’d protect them, but with Rick there was another level of trust there. Like he wouldn’t just keep them alive, they wouldn’t just be safe with him. They had a chance at a life with him. Even through all he’d suffered, Shane thought that he made them believe that they might be happy again. Some new version of normal where they could work during the day, rest at night, and things could okay. 

Shane wasn’t sure how someone could be so busy since the world had effectively ended, but Rick was outside from sun up until sundown and would come in, eat and each night after dinner, he would check in on Shane and Judith. 

“She’s doing okay?” 

Shane nodded. He was in his cell, watching her sleep in the mail bin they’d found to use as a makeshift basinet. “Seems to be. Carol hasn’t yelled at me for doing something wrong in about a week.” 

Rick laughed. “She’s the expert, though, right?” 

“Mmhmm. Come in here, would you?” 

Rick walked in, still lingering near the door. It had been about three weeks since that night Rick had helped him get Judith to sleep. He’d gotten much better at doing it himself, and each night he would get offers to help, or even offers to keep her for the night, but he always turned them down. 

He got up from the bed and pulled Rick over so he’d sit next to him. This was familiar, but it had been a long time. They had always been close, he was used to touching Rick. But he’d felt for so long that there’d been a wall up between them that made him feel like he had to keep some distance. Being close to Rick again felt good. He knew what had happened couldn’t be resolved so easily, but just being near Rick made him feel at ease. 

“How are you?” 

Rick looked at him. “As far as what?” 

“You’re busy most of the day, I hardly ever see you.” 

“You see me every night, don’t you?” 

“You come in, you kiss the baby goodnight, and you ask me if I’m doing okay.”

Rick sighed. “Isn’t that enough?”

As much as he wanted to say that it wasn’t enough, if it was all that Rick could do, he had to respect that. He knew he could push pretty hard when he wanted something, and he was trying to stop being that guy. “Yeah, man, sure. It’s plenty.” 

When there was silence after a few seconds, he looked over at Rick. His head was tilted back against the wall, his eyes closed. “Rick?” 

He gave a small start. “Hmm?” 

“You’re falling asleep. Why don’t you go to bed?” 

He shook his head. “No, I’m good.” 

“Rick—”

“You want me here more, so I’ll be here.” 

He started to disagree, but Rick cut him off again. “I heard what you said. I know you. You want me here more, so I will be. I’ve just been tired, that’s all.” 

Shane wanted to tell Rick that if he was tired, he needed to rest, and he should go to bed, but Judith woke up and began crying. Rick was closer to her and he looked at Shane. “Want me to?” 

“Yeah, of course,” he encouraged. 

He watched as Rick carefully picked Judith up and cradled her to his chest. Shane wasn’t surprised when she calmed down immediately. “She does that sometimes. She just wants to be held.” 

“Just crying ‘til she gets her way?” Rick asked with a smile. “Reminds me of somebody.” 

“Oh, yeah, who?” Rick gave him a pointed look. “Bullshit! I don’t do that.” 

When Rick just smiled, he scoffed. “I don’t cry until I get my way.” 

“Fussing and whining, same thing. That’s what you did to get me to stay.” 

He could tell that Rick was teasing him and he felt even more at ease than he had before. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d had such an easy going exchange. “You’re full of it. You stayed ‘cause you wanted to.” 

“I’m staying ‘cause your daughter takes after her daddy and fell asleep on me.” 

Shane’s breath caught in his throat. What Rick said had made him realize that no one had called Judith his daughter out loud before. She’d only been referred to as “the baby,” never Shane’s specifically. Since no one had done that, he’d never really thought of himself as her daddy, either. 

He was also surprised that Rick was bringing up him falling asleep on him. His head winding up on Rick’s shoulder when they’d gotten her to sleep together that night a couple of weeks ago hadn’t been the first time. Way back when they’d gotten drunk for the first time back in high school, they’d had to sneak into Rick’s house after his parent’s had gone to sleep. Trying to keep quiet and stop Rick from laughing had been difficult, but he’d finally gotten him into bed. 

When Shane had woken up the next morning, his head was resting comfortably on Rick’s chest. Despite having to take turns in the bathroom to throw up the next morning, they’d managed to keep their drunken escapades from Rick’s parents. They got smarter about when and where they chose to drink, but each time Shane drank too much, he always found himself in the same spot: next to Rick, sleeping against his shoulder or on his chest. 

“She has good taste, that’s all it is.” He rubbed gently over her back, his hand bumping into Rick’s. “Ain’t that right, sweetheart?” 

“Shh, she’s asleep. Besides, I’m not sure what’s so great about you both finding me to be such a good pillow.”

He smiled. He liked how easily Judith was comforted by Rick, and he liked that they had that in common. 

“I think you can lay her back down now,” he said after a while. 

“Look at you, making expert decisions in child care all of a sudden,” he joked. 

Shane shrugged. “I have been for a while now, you’re just so damn busy you don’t notice.” 

“Good. I told you that you could do it.” 

He knew that Rick had made his point. “Is that why you been making yourself so scarce? Wanted me to figure it out on my own?” 

Rick laid Judith down gently. “You give me too much credit. I’ve just been busy and tired. I shoulda been here more, I know.” 

He put his hand on Rick’s shoulder. “No, man, you don’t need to beat yourself up over it. You do what you can, I know that. I’m just being a dick, wanting you all to myself.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Rick said quietly. 

It made him feel better to hear Rick say that, because he hadn’t been so sure that that was the case. “You don’t have to stay in here, Rick. I’m not trying to force anything on you. I just want you to know that you’re always welcome to spend time with her.” 

Rick nodded a few times. “I know that. And I appreciate it.” 

Shane got more comfortable on the bed, moving so that his back was against the wall. 

“I couldn’t really look at her in the beginning…. I know that’s wrong.” 

“No,” Shane told him. “I understand that. It’s all been a lot to take in.” 

That was putting it mildly. Losing Lori had been something that he hadn’t really known how to cope with it. Even though they’d known there had been a chance that something would go wrong, no one had really prepared for the possibility of losing her. It was easy to forget it for short periods of time when they had so much to worry about and so much going on, but each time he thought of Lori, it still hurt. Each time he thought of Judith growing up without her mom it hurt worse. 

“I think I’m okay now, though.” He looked down at Judith. “I’ll try to be here more.” 

He couldn’t pretend like he wasn’t happy to hear it, but he still worried about pushing Rick into something he wasn’t comfortable with. “You do what you can, and that’s enough.”

Rick snorted. “You’re such a liar.” 

“Well, now you’re just offending me.” 

“Oh, should I go then?” 

He was enjoying Rick’s sense of humor tonight. It had been too long since he’d seen him so light and happy. He remembered back before all of this; all of the inside jokes, all of the times they’d laughed so hard it hurt. More times than he could count. For a while he wasn’t sure he’d ever see that kind of smile on Rick’s face again, and it made him feel better than he had in a long time. 

“I’d rather you’d stay.” 

“If you insist.” 

Shane felt almost like they were kids again, sitting on the bed, talking while the light grew dimmer around them until it was pitch black and they were too tired to keep their eyes open. It made him feel so normal, it was a little unnerving. 

Nothing felt out of the ordinary when they finally got so tired that they had to lie down, next to each other on the bed. As tight of a fit as it was, they made it work because they were too tired to do anything else. Rick mumbled goodnight and Shane waited until he was sure Rick was sleeping before resting his head on Rick’s shoulder and closing his eyes.

“G’night.”


	3. Chapter 3

Like usual, Judith woke him up. Not so usually, the crying quickly stopped and he heard Rick’s voice soothing her. He opened his eyes to watch, smiling at how Rick’s hair was mussed up one side from where he’d slept on it. There was a little light filtering in, so he sat up. “Is she okay?” 

“Hungry,” Rick answered. “Morning, by the way.” 

“Yeah. Good morning.” His neck was stiff and he had no idea how they’d both fit on that mattress without falling out in the middle of the night, but he’d slept good. He put his boots on so that they could go make Judith breakfast. 

It must have been too early for anyone to be awake, because the prison was silent and he tried to be quiet while he made Judith’s bottle while Rick held her. 

He had the bottle to Rick so that he could feed her. He stood back and watched, enjoying seeing the two of them together and he stretched, trying to work the kink out of his neck. “She slept for a good while, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Rick agreed. “So did you. You’re as clingy as I remember.” 

He shrugged. “Had to be, didn’t wanna fall outta that damn bed.” 

Rick shook his head, but he was smiling. 

He was about to say something, but he heard the click of Hershel’s crutches on the floor. Gradually, everyone filed in to the kitchen for breakfast so that they could begin their day. Rick handed Judith to him. “I’ll see you later,” he mumbled quietly. 

“Okay,” he agreed, trying not to look like he was so excited for the prospect of later. He paced the room with Judith, patting her gently on the back. 

“Shane?” Beth tapped his shoulder gently. “Do you need me to take her now?” 

She’d pulled him out of his thought process and he was still dazed. “Oh, yeah, if you wouldn’t mind.” 

She looked a little confused, and it wasn’t lost on him that she probably wasn’t used to him being nice. Her shock increased even more when he thanked her as she took Judith. He’d really been trying with the group, but he knew it would be slow going and he doubted everyone would entirely get over the things he’d done. But he couldn’t change any of that, so he just tried to work on how he behaved now. Treating the girl who watched his daughter all day nicely seemed like the least he could do. 

He’d spent his day clearing more walkers out of the less-used sections of the prison and dragging the bodies outside to be burned. He felt disgusting afterward and took a long shower, eager to get through the evening and spend time with Rick again.

He took Judith from Beth as soon as he saw her, listening while Beth rattled on about all they’d done today. Rick and Hershel walked in and he caught Rick’s eyes immediately, smiling, and then nodded at Hershel, who looked amused that Beth had him cornered. 

He unconsciously found himself moving closer to Rick when they all sat down for dinner, but Beth just kept chattering away. Every few minutes he’d glance at Rick, who seemed to find the joke as funny as Hershel had. 

When she finally took a breath, he turned to Rick. “Hey, I was wondering if you’d wanna help me put the baby to sleep.” 

Rick nodded and they got up from the table, telling everyone goodnight as they went. “’Cause you haven’t been doing it youself for the last couple weeks.” 

“Yeah, well, she was telling me how much she liked having you in here last night. I didn’t think you’d wanna upset her.” 

Rick laughed. “This is a whole new level, you using the baby to get what you want.” 

“You know, if you want me to say I want you here, I’ll say it. I want you here.” It wasn’t like Rick didn’t see right through him anyway. 

“I saw you made a new friend,” Rick changed the subject. 

He sighed. As much as he wanted to be annoyed by Beth, he really couldn’t. “Yeah, well, she takes good care of Judith, so I can listen to her talk for a while, I guess.” 

He looked at Rick, who was grinning at him. “What?”

“Just you…taking orders from Carol, listening to Beth. That’s really something.” 

He shrugged. It wasn’t like him. In fact, it was totally new to him; but all of this was. But he figured incase anything ever happened to him, he wanted everyone to be able to tell Judith that he’d been a decent person. Sometimes, at least. 

Once Judith had been changed she was yawning and fussing sleepily. “All right, sweetheart, you ready to go to sleep?” Shane laid her down and they watched her for a few minutes, waiting for her to settle down. Rick took his boots off and moved back on the bed. He gave Judith one last look to make sure she was okay before crowding over next to him. 

"I can move to the top bunk." Rick said, moving to sit up.

"No," he said quickly.

"No?"

"I just—" he couldn't make up a good excuse fast enough. "The noise. It might wake the baby."

Rick gave a single nod. "Right. Sure."

It could've, if he was being honest. The bed frames squeaked badly anyway, especially the top ones. But Judith was a good sleeper and he doubted she'd have noticed.

"You know, I remember the last time you and I shared a bed before all this," Rick spoke quietly.

"You do?"

"Mmhmm. The night before Lori and I got married." Shane held his breath. They hadn't spoken of her in a while. Everything that happened between the three of them still hung over him, lingering in the back of his mind. "We were both too drunk to do anything and we ended up in the same bed," Rick continued. 

"I don't know how we made it to the church on time with how hungover we both were," Shane added.

"I thought for sure you were gonna puke all over your shoes there at one point."

"I could have." He shuddered at the memory, suddenly glad that they didn't have to worry about getting that drunk anymore. That night alone should've dissuaded him forever. Although he had always enjoyed crawling into bed with Rick when they were both loopy and everything felt warm and right.

"This bed isn't quite as nice as your old one.”

"Yeah, but it beats sleeping on the ground. I'm kinda partial to it." The last part was new. He only liked this bed when Rick was in it with him.

He'd had trouble fitting comfortably on the bed himself when he'd first started sleeping there. His feet always bumped into the rails that ran across the bottom or he knocked his head into the top. He'd even banged his knees into the wall a handful of times. But it seemed that with Rick there, it kept him still. He didn't toss and turn like he did normally. Maybe his subconscious had told his body to stay still, otherwise they'd both wind up in the floor.

They had to lay on their sides to fit, and last night they'd laid back to back at first but Shane had shifted in the middle of the night and draped his arm over Rick's waist. Now that they were facing each other, it was hard to deny how strange this was. He wondered briefly if anyone knew what they were doing.

He could feel Rick's breath on his face when he spoke. "You're hogging the pillow."

"Shoulda brought one of your own."

"Yeah, 'cause there's room in here for anything other than what we've got right now."

Rick was speaking in a teasing tone so Shane knew he wasn't serious, but he didn't want to insist so much that Rick might decide to get up and leave. "Here." He moved the pillow toward Rick.

"Well, now what are you gonna do?"

He pushed Rick onto his back and let him get situated before he moved closer and rested his head on Rick's chest. "There we go. That's way better anyway."

He heard the rumble of Rick's laughter in his chest. He hooked one of his legs over Rick's and wrapped and arm around him, pulling himself as close as he could. "Don't you complain."

"Oh, what's there to complain about? Got a grown man burrowing himself into me when it's already too hot in here on a bed that ain't big enough for one person."

"Yeah, well you're here for Judith, remember that."

Rick laughed once. "Right. Judith wants to cuddle with me. Judith doesn't want to sleep alone. Judith can't keep her hands to herself."

"One hand. Just one. I can't move it if you like."

"Shut up, I'm trying to sleep."

He grinned broadly at Rick’s indifference. This was a big deal. Every other time he’d done this, Rick had been asleep or completely drunk off his ass. Now he had Rick’s permission. He’d spent a long time thinking that nothing between him and Rick would ever be like it had been, and now strangely, they were right back to where they had been before.

So much had changed, but this was still the same. Unable to stop himself, he wrapped his arm around Rick a little bit harder, squeezing him tight. 

“What’re you doing?” Rick asked, sounding like he was struggling to speak because of how hard Shane had ahold of him. 

“Sorry. I’m just glad you’re here.” 

“Yeah, well, since Judith needed me so much, I’m here.” 

“She says thanks.” 

“Go to sleep.” 

“Okay.” He tucked his head comfortably against Rick and closed his eyes. “Night.”


	4. Chapter 4

He woke up in the exact same spot. His head still pillowed on Rick, arm still around him, leg hitched over him.

"I think Judith's awake," Rick said quietly.

He blinked his eyes open to look at Rick. "Okay.” He untangled himself from the other man and looked down at the baby. “Yeah, she’s up. You ready to eat, honey?” 

“Uh huh,” Rick said from behind him. 

He shot Rick a look before picking Judith up. “Wasn’t talking to you…darlin’.” 

“Hmm,” Rick shrugged, rubbing at his eyes. “Doesn’t mean I’m not hungry. You wanna help me in the garden today?” 

It was the first time Rick had asked him, and he was about to agree. “I can’t, I’m going on that run. We’re getting low on baby stuff.” 

“Right. Probably be gone most of the day, huh?” 

He stood up and stretched as best as he could while holding the baby. “Yeah, but we’re hanging pretty close. I wanna be back before it gets dark. I hate to leave her.” 

“Well, you know Beth will take good care of her. If you can get away from her, that is.” Shane rolled his eyes at that. “I’ll check in on her, too.” 

After they ate breakfast, he reluctantly left Judith in Beth’s capable hands and headed out with Maggie, Glenn, and Daryl to a shopping center they’d come across about twenty-five miles away. “Everyone have their lists?” Glenn asked. 

“Didn’t you ask that three times already?” Daryl spoke up. 

Glenn didn’t respond and Shane shot him an amused look. Maggie was helping him with baby stuff, because he wanted to make sure that he got the right things. They worked in silence for a good while before she said something. “Rick’s been sleeping with you.” It wasn’t a question, and he wasn’t sure how to respond. 

“I think it’s nice you two have each other to lean on. I hope it’s helping you both.” 

He could’ve told her to mind her own business, or brushed it off and not said anything. “It does help.” 

“I know things were kind of confusing for a while, but I’m glad you guys made up. I can see how much you care about each other.” 

Confusing didn’t even begin to cover it, but he wasn’t going to explain all of the ins and outs of their problems. “We’ve known each other for a long time.” He looked at her and noticed her smiling. “What’s funny about that?” 

“I never said it was funny,” she shrugged. 

He hesitated before asking, “So, does everyone know we’re sleeping together?” He scowled as soon as the words left his mouth, wishing he would’ve phrased that differently. 

“It’s hard to keep anything private in such tight quarters. Everybody understands that you guys need each other right now. It’s fine.” 

They finished clearing out all of the baby items that they might need, and others that they threw in for good measure. “I think it’s good. She needs the both of you.” 

“That’s what I told him. I don’t deserve it, but he’s a good enough man that he can look past that.” 

She smiled that same smile that she had earlier, like she knew something that he didn’t. He hadn’t minded talking to her, but he wasn’t interested in playing any mind games with her, either, so he didn’t ask what she was thinking. Once they had what they needed they went to meet up with Glenn and Daryl. “Got everything?” 

“Everything we could find,” Daryl answered. “We ready to go?” 

“Keep a look out once we get out there. Eyes open.” He gave the same speech every time they went in and out, but he figured it was better safe than sorry. 

They were safe and made good time getting back, stopping along the way to search a handful of vehicles to see if they could find anything else useful, but he was more than ready to get home. 

Once they were back at the prison, he let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding when he got inside and he saw Judith in Rick’s arms. “Hey.” He didn’t know why his voice was shaky, because nothing bad had happened. They’d been fine and everyone at the prison was safe, so there was nothing to be worried about. 

“Hey, everything go okay?” 

“Everything was perfect,” Maggie answered for him. Rick watched her walk away and then looked back at Shane. 

“What’s that about?” 

He shrugged and took Judith from Rick and kissed the top of her head. “I missed you,” he told her. And he had. This was the first time he’d left the prison since she’d been born, and he felt that this was the test that would tell him whether or not he was a dad. If he missed her when he was away from her; and he really, really had. He wasn’t surprised to have missed Rick, even though exactly how much he had had come as a surprise to him. 

“She missed you, too,” Rick told him. “She told me so.” 

He smiled at Rick, but when he glanced back and saw Maggie and Beth in the corner giggling, he felt subconscious for some reason. He was happy to be back, but suddenly the room felt too crowded. He’d never been one to care what anyone thought about him, but he had a feeling that they were all talking about him and he didn’t like it. “I think I’m gonna go rest for a while.” 

“You okay?”

“Mmhmm. I just need a minute.” He shouldn’t have been surprised when Rick followed him into his cell. 

“You sure you’re okay?” 

He shifted Judith in his arms. “I’m okay. Just a lotta people out there. Wanted a minute to clear my head.” 

He liked that Rick knew him well enough to stay. Being alone didn’t mean he didn’t want Rick there. He sat down and reclined back so that he could lay Judith against his chest. 

“Sit down. Tell me about your day.” He closed his eyes while Rick talked, not listening so much to the actual words, just enjoying the sound of Rick’s voice. 

“You listening to me?”

“Mmhmm.” 

He heard Rick sigh and didn’t bother opening his eyes when he felt Rick lift up his foot and start unlacing his boot so that he could pull it off. His foot fell back to the bed and Rick reached for the other one. 

“Feels good.” 

“Are you that tired?” Rick asked. He scooted Shane’s legs aside and sat at the opposite end of the bed. 

“Not too bad. So, how was your day?” He asked again. 

“I already told you.” 

He nudged his foot into Rick’s side. “I don’t care. Tell me some more.” 

Rick did, telling him again everything he’d done while Shane half-listened. “That’s enough now. Tell me about your day.”

“Hmm. Not much to tell. Got what we needed and got the hell out.” 

Rick’s hand came to rest on his ankle and he rubbed gently back and forth. “You were eager to get back.” 

“I wanted to get back,” he agreed. 

“That’s good, ‘cause we wanted you back.” 

He stayed quiet, letting Rick’s words sink in, enjoying letting them echo around in his head. 

“Give me the little one and I’ll get her fed. You wanna eat?”

He shook his head. “Not hungry.” Rick took the baby and promised he’d be back soon. Shane settled back into the bed more comfortably. He nearly jumped out of skin when Rick came back in and he was half asleep. “Shit, you scared me.” 

“Shh, she’s already dozing off. Already fed and changed her.” Rick kissed her forehead and put her down. 

“Thank you for doing that. I’ll take her in the morning. I think I’ll keep her tomorrow. If you don’t need me for much, that is.” 

Rick stepped out of his boots before getting into bed. “I think that’s a great idea, and nothing’s more important than you being with her. We’ll give Beth a break that way, too.” 

“Yeah.” He wondered if she’d follow him around all day anyway. He moved over so Rick could lay down. He backed up against the wall and waited for Rick to get comfortable. “She’s a good kid.” 

“Everybody was worried you weren’t feeling well when you didn’t come out for dinner.” 

He didn’t care to dwell on the group being concerned for his well-being. It was nice, but he wasn’t sure how to process it. It was still confusing knowing that Rick still cared about him, he didn’t want to fool himself into thinking that they cared for him more than they did. “I’m trying to sleep.”

“Shane, you can let people care about you, you know.” Rick was leaning up over him and he closed his eyes as soon as he’d opened them, not allowing himself to look at Rick too closely. 

“I let you.” 

“Well, it’s not just about me. There’s a lot of people here who want to help.” 

He sighed. “I know. And I’m trying to let them.” 

He could tell that Rick knew he wasn’t getting anywhere. He shoved Shane over and laid down, putting an arm around his shoulders. “I don’t want you to punish yourself forever.”

“You should,” he said quietly. 

“Well, I don’t. The way I look at it, we’ve both lost enough. Now’s when we need to be together.” 

Just like he’d always thought, Rick was an even stronger, better person than he could’ve imagined being. 

“I know what I did was—” 

“Yeah, what you did was bad. We’ve all made a lot of bad decisions. Sometimes things make sense in the moment and then we realize what a big mistake it was later, how stupid we were.” 

He shook his head. “I don’t know if what I did was that minor, something small that I could just chalk up to a bad choice and then move on.” 

“Well, I am. So, I think you should, too.”

Shane didn’t think that it was that simple and they could just go on like nothing had happened. He didn’t feel like he deserved that forgiveness. But he was too tired to argue about whether he did or he didn’t. But Rick’s kind words and soothing voice made him ask, “You’ll stay, right?” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

He wanted to tell himself to grow up and tell Rick he could leave. He wished that Rick wasn’t so dead set on making him feel better and letting him off the hook for what he’d done. Then he could just go on being the bad guy, because that was the easy thing. But the more he let the words sink in, the more he wanted to believe them. Unable to stop himself, he rolled over and buried his face into Rick’s chest, getting as close as he could. Holding onto Rick made him feel so comforted and safe so that he could let the rest of it all fall away. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Rick repeated quietly, his hand rubbing Shane’s back gently. “Go to sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sadly would've been up sooner, but my wifi stopped working due to weather issues. Damned blizzard.


	5. Chapter 5

Everything was blurry when he opened his eyes the next morning. He blinked a few times, having to think for a few seconds before he remembered where he was. 

“Are you okay?” 

Rick was standing next to the bed, looking like he’d been awake for hours. “What time is it? Where’s Judith?” He forced himself up and with how much he struggled he wondered how long he’d been out. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept so long that his body was just stuck in one position. 

“Settle down, she’s fine. We wanted to let you sleep in today. Thought you’d earned it.” 

He rubbed a hand over his head. “You should’ve woke me up.” 

Rick sat down on the edge of the bed. “You were worrying me last night. I thought some extra sleep might make you feel better. You needed a break.” 

His behavior last night came back to him and he closed his eyes, embarrassed. He couldn’t believe he’d let himself cling to Rick like that. “I’m fine. You don’t need to be worrying about me.” He moved to get up so that he could get away from Rick, but Rick pushed him back. 

“Sit still. I brought you breakfast.” 

He felt himself tensing up at being penned in and told what to do. “You serious? Why’re you treating me like I’m frail?”

Rick handed him a bowl of oatmeal. “Eat.” 

He did as he was asked, despite feeling uneasy, and despite the oatmeal being cold and lumpy. Rick was still looking at him like he might be about to have some sort of breakdown or something. 

“I really am fine,” he insisted, the anger fading and being replaced by guilt for making Rick worry. 

“Yeah, well, I’m not taking any chances.”

Shane sighed and finished his breakfast. Rick took the bowl from him and sat it on the floor so that he could move closer. He put a hand to Shane’s forehead and he ducked away from the touch. “I’m fine!”

Rick pressed his hand closer. “I’m just making sure. You scared me last night.”

He hated hearing Rick say that. “I’m sorry. I was….” He wasn’t sure what he’d been, really. He’d been close to crying into Rick’s shirt, he figured. 

“Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you? ‘Cause it’s gotta be something.”

“Don’t you got somewhere to be?” He didn’t know how much longer he could sit still under Rick’s gaze. He wanted to be alone so he could wallow about what an ass he’d made of himself last night. How everyone was probably talking about it right now. He wanted to see Judith because he figured that was the only thing that would distract him from how miserable he felt. 

“I took the morning off to take care of you.” 

Shane glared at him and Rick smiled. “Tell me.” 

He looked down at the gray blanket that was pulled up over him, unable to keep eye contact with Rick any longer. “Just. What you said. I don’t feel like I deserve that kind of forgiveness. I just think it might be easier if you hated me.” It wouldn’t have. It would’ve hurt like hell on top of everything else he’d lost. But it was what Rick should do. 

Rick was quiet for a few seconds. “The way you were acting didn’t exactly say you wanted me to hate you.” 

Because he was weak and hadn’t been able to get a hold on his feelings. “Sorry.” 

“Hey.” Rick put a hand on his shoulder. “I wasn’t looking for an apology. When you’re upset I wanna be there for you.” 

“You shouldn’t be so fucking understanding.” 

“Didn’t we go over this?” Rick seemed annoyed that he was having to say it again. “We’re over all of that. When you asked me for my help, you remember what you said? You said we needed each other.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m fucking selfish and you’re too nice to say no.” 

“No, I just knew you were right. Judith deserves a family. The best one we can give her, at least. Neither of us could do that alone. With everyone helping, it works. You and me doing this together, it’s been working.” 

He knew it had been working. He just worried that he’d coerced Rick into something that he hadn’t wanted to do. “You’re sure this is what you want?”

“I know you said I’m too nice to say no to you, but if I was still as angry as I was at you before…. I wouldn’t be able to be here. I couldn’t. And I’m here. I wanna be.” 

He’d seen the way Rick had looked at him before. Felt the tension between them for those months before they’d arrived at the prison. He knew it was true. Somehow Rick had been able to let it all go and forgive him. He couldn’t understand because if it had been him, he couldn’t have. 

“If I say okay will you let me get up?” 

Rick gave him a soft look. “If you’re sure.” 

“I know we put off talking about this. I guess I thought that might make it go away. We used to talk about everything. You remember?” 

“I do remember.” 

Shane ran his hands over his head, frustrated. “It shouldn’t be so hard to do now.” 

“It doesn’t have to be. Just open your mouth. We both know you’re good at that.” 

He reached behind him for the pillow and smacked Rick with it. Rick grabbed it from him and attempted to do the same but he ducked out of the way and before he knew it they were tugging back and forth on the pillow and Rick was nearly on top of him trying to get it back from him. It reminded him of when they’d been younger, wrestling around with each other in the yard. He almost didn’t recognize the sound of his own laughter bubbling up out of his throat because it had been so long since he’d felt like laughing out loud. The genuine feeling of being unable to hold it back, the kind you felt throughout your entire body, the kind that made you feel light and like everything was good again. 

Rick stopped what he was doing, just staring intently at Shane for a few seconds, like he’d forgotten the sound of his laugh, too. Shane just laughed harder and it wasn’t long before Rick joined in and they were both nearly in tears from it. He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that; it seemed like time had stopped and none of the bad stuff existed anymore. Nothing that had happened between them mattered, nothing was wrong outside of the prison walls. They were just safe and happy and everything seemed perfect.   
They both looked toward the door when they heard footsteps, but the noise stopped abruptly and the feet retreated. Shane took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. 

“Wow.” 

“Yeah,” Rick agreed. 

They looked at each other for a little bit longer before Rick told Shane, “We should do that more often.” 

“Fight over a pillow or laugh that hard?” 

He shrugged. “Both. Although I know you prefer sleeping on me to using actual pillows.” 

“If you could sleep on you, you’d get it. You’re comfortable.” 

“If you say so.” Rick grabbed the pillow before he could react and hit him gently in the face with it. He scrambled out of the bed before Shane could get to him and he quickly threw the blanket back so that he could get up but somehow ended up with it wrapped around his feet. 

“Fuck! Get back here!” 

Rick laughed at him and stood back, just out of reach. “Shane Walsh versus the blanket. Blanket one, Shane zero.” 

He finally untangled himself and jumped up out of the bed and tore the pillow out of Rick’s hands. He grinned victoriously and hit Rick. 

“This isn’t a fair fight with only one pillow, you know.” 

Shane tossed the pillow back to the bed. “You’re right. I quit.” He sat down on the bed and sighed, feeling content. Rick dropped down next to him. 

“You don’t usually give up so easily.” 

“I’m giving you a reprieve until next time. Come prepared.” 

Rick put an arm around his shoulders. “It’s good seeing you this happy.” 

“You too.” He still felt like kind of an idiot for the way he’d behaved last night, and he wasn’t sure what had gotten into either of them that they’d been acting like a couple of twelve year olds for the last few minutes, but it seemed to have made him feel better. 

“Promise me you’ll take it easy today, though, okay?” 

He nodded. “Yeah, I will. But if you don’t mind, I’d really like to see Judith now.” 

“Okay, I should probably get some actual work done anyway.” 

Somewhere between leaving the cell and arriving in the kitchen, they’d shoved into each other a few times and started laughing again. When his eyes left Rick’s and fell on everyone else standing around in the kitchen, the smile faded. “Morning,” he mumbled. He got a handful of greetings in return, but mostly just strange looks. 

Rick nudged him with his elbow again. “I better get going.” 

He didn’t want to be left alone with the group, but he nodded anyway. They were all filing out, and Rick left with Hershel, leaving Shane with Maggie, Beth, and Carol. He attempted another smile, but it felt more like a grimace than anything else. Beth came over and sat next to him, handing Judith over. 

“She’s been looking for you.” 

He held her close and nuzzled his face into her hair, feeling comforted. When he looked back up, they were staring at him. He had a feeling this was going to be a long day.


	6. Chapter 6

Shane cleared his throat. “So, ladies…how’s it going today?” 

Carol rolled her eyes and left the room. He glanced down at the ground. That was one battle he didn’t think he’d be winning anytime soon. Carol always avoided him unless she was chastising him about something baby related that he had done wrong. 

Maggie smiled at him, though. “Want something to eat?” 

“Nah, Rick force-fed me some lumpy oatmeal that I’m guessing he made himself.” 

She and Beth shared a look and he glanced down at Judith. “Has she done okay today? Sorry you’ve been stuck with her by yourself all morning.” 

“It’s no problem,” Beth told him. “She’s always real good.” 

He nodded a couple of times, unsure of what to say. 

“Sounded like you two were having a good time in there,” Maggie spoke up. 

He looked at her quickly, his eyes wide. “You were carrying on pretty good, is all,” she added. 

Beth gave him a long, curious look and he shot Maggie a glare. He didn’t know what to say, so he just looked down at Judith, who was the only person in the room who he felt comfortable with at the moment. 

“So, are you feeling better?” Beth asked finally. “Rick said you were sick.” 

“I’m fine, I was just tired.” 

“Well, you can go rest some more if you like. We can watch Judith.” 

“No,” he responded quickly. “I don’t think I could spend one more second in that bed. I didn’t think Rick was gonna let me leave.” 

“He just cares a lot. That’s why he gets so worried.” 

“Yeah, well, I worry about him being outside in the sun all day, you don’t see me forcing him to stay inside.” 

Judith was falling asleep in his arms, but he didn’t feel like putting her down right now. Maggie got up from the table and Shane noticed that she was organizing all of the food and supplies they’d gotten yesterday. “Need some help with that?” 

She turned back to look at him. “No. You keep doing what you’re doing. Beth can help me.” 

Beth sighed and got up to help her sister. He watched them work for a while, before finally asking, “So, what were either of you doing before all of this?” 

“I’d just finished college. Hadn’t found anything permanently yet. Beth’s still in school. Was still in school,” she corrected. 

“Senior year?” He asked. 

Beth shook her head. “Didn’t get that far.” 

He felt bad. He’d thought of how hard all of this was on Carl and how hard it would be on Judith, but he hadn’t really considered how young Beth was. He wasn’t big on sharing feelings and he knew he wasn’t great at comforting people. “Senior year’s not that great anyway.” That was a lie. Or at least it was in his case. He’d had a blast his senior year. 

“That’s not what Maggie said.” 

Maggie shot him a guilty smile, and he nodded. “Yeah. I guess it is kind of bullshit.” 

They both laughed and he felt better. “You know, the great thing about being on the football team, and about being best friends with a guy who all the teachers loved was that we could get away with just about anything we wanted. We skipped class a lot that year.” 

“What’d you do?” Maggie asked. 

“The same stuff you do when you live in a town where there ain’t nothing. Drove around. Went to the lake to swim. Sat in the Dairy Queen parking lot.” 

“I never skipped school,” Beth told him. 

“You never even faked sick to get out of going?” 

Maggie laughed. “Little Miss Perfect? Not a chance.” 

“Ah, so you were the troublemaker in the family then.” 

Beth nodded, a big grin on her face. “She used to give Daddy fits.” 

“I can picture that.” 

“Hey!” Maggie argued. “I didn’t do anything that bad. Just enough to get under his skin. I mean, it’s not like it was that difficult.” 

Shane could imagine it hadn’t taken much to get under Hershel’s skin when it came to his kids. The Greene family had probably led pretty sheltered lives until they’d showed up on the doorstep with Carl bleeding out. Sometimes he felt guilty that they’d interrupted what had seemed to be an ideal set up, but in truth, he thought they’d done them a favor. That herd of walkers had been inevitable, and if they hadn’t been there, every single one of them would’ve probably been killed. Or worse. 

“So, how long have you and Rick known each other?”

“As long as I can remember...when we first started school, I suppose.” 

“Wow, so pretty much your whole lives,” Maggie stopped what she was doing and turned around. 

“Yeah.” 

She leaned back, her arms crossed over her chest, that knowing look on her face. All of a sudden, it occurred to him what she was thinking and he tried not to react. Everything she’d said yesterday came back to him, the comments she’d made when he’d first sat down, too. That tone of voice she’d used hadn’t just been teasing. 

“Yeah,” he said again. “My best friend.” 

Best friend and best friend only, he sorely reminded himself. Of course he’d had thoughts about Rick that were more than friendly. He remembered the weekend when they were sixteen and he planned to make his move. There was a party and he figured they’d get a little drunk and go back to his place and pile onto his bed, cuddling together like they always did. He wanted to kiss Rick. He would wait until it was dark and quiet and they were warm under the blankets and he’d tell Rick quietly what he wanted, and Rick would say yes. He had to. 

Except he hadn’t. Because when he’d gone to get Rick to bring him home, he’d found him curled up in the corner with Lori and he watched for a few seconds before turning away and going to find more to drink. He’d only had one beer before so that he could safely drive them home, knowing Rick was a lightweight. After seeing what he’d seen he needed to be drunk. 

And drunk he had been. They’d ended up having to sleep on the floor and his hangover that morning had rivaled the one that he’d had the day Rick and Lori got married. 

“Shane?” 

“Huh?” He snapped out of his thoughts. 

“I was asking if Rick ever got into any trouble,” Beth said. 

“Oh. No. Rick was always too much of a goody two shoes. It was usually me getting in trouble while he covered for me.” 

“Yeah,” Maggie nodded. “I can’t picture Rick getting into trouble.” 

Judith stirred and began crying. “I think she’s hungry.” 

“I’ll make her bottle,” Beth said. She brought it to him once it was prepared and he gave it to Judith. “I knew you’d get used to it. You used to hold her like you were scared of her.”

“I was.” 

“You do good now, though. And look how happy she is.” 

He felt a fondness for Beth in that moment that he usually didn’t feel for people. In any other situation he knew he wouldn’t have had any sort of occasion for talking to these girls, but somehow in this moment, he was glad that he was. “Thanks,” he told Beth. “You do a really good job taking care of her, too. Y’all have a lot of babies in your family?” 

“No, I was just used to taking care of baby animals on the farm. It’s a lot more similar than you’d think.” 

“Beth’s favorite thing was when it would get so cold that we’d have to bring the baby cows in the house. She’d stay up all night, sitting there with them, tucking blankets around them, feeding them.” Maggie looked at her sister with a smile on her face. 

He could definitely picture that. He wondered if maybe someday they’d build this place up enough, the way Rick and Hershel said they would, to have gardens and animals. A new, safer farm for them all. A nice place for the kids. 

Shane didn’t realize how much time was passing after that. They continued telling stories; Maggie and Beth about their childhood on the farm, Maggie sneaking out and stealing cigarettes, while Beth sat on their dad’s knee singing songs to him. Shane spoke about the various scrapes he’d gotten out of with Rick’s help. They were laughing over another story Shane was telling when Rick came in. 

“Hey.” He was smiling, but he looked confused. 

“Hi,” the three of them greeted in unison. 

Rick’s look of confusion increased. “Did I interrupt something?” 

“Just us talking about you,” Maggie joked. They laughed. 

Rick studied them carefully for a few seconds. “Can I talk to you?” He asked Shane. 

“Sure.” He easily handed Judith over to Beth and followed Rick, looking over his shoulder once to share a smile with them. Once they neared the cell, Rick grabbed him by his wrist to pull him inside quicker. He backed him up against the wall. 

“Okay, so what the hell have you done with Shane?”

He rolled his eyes. “What, I can’t get along with them? Wasn’t that the idea?” 

“I was hoping you would, but I didn’t figure it’d happen all at once. Looked nice and cozy, the four of you.” 

“You could say that,” he shrugged. “They’re nice. I should’ve given the whole thing a try a little sooner, I suppose. You want me to tell you how right you were?” 

Rick cocked his head to one side. “Wouldn’t mind it.” 

“You were right.” Shane tried to fight back a smile, but he couldn’t. 

“So, you had a nice day with the girls?” He took a step back and Shane wished he hadn’t moved. 

“Yeah. I might take the day off more often.” 

“You should,” Rick agreed. 

“Maybe you should, too. Why don’t you come in and sit?” 

Rick raised an eyebrow. “Just yesterday you were running in here to hide, now you’re inviting me in to sit?” 

“I didn’t hide,” Shane corrected. “And I was having a good time. I wanted you to join in.” 

“Well, I suppose if you’re having such a good time, I could do that.” 

He could only guess that he would have an even better time if Rick was there with him. “Good.” He grabbed Rick’s wrist, just like Rick had done to pull him into the room. “Let’s go then.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Alright, it’s bedtime, now, come on.” 

Rick spoke in an exasperated tone, tugging on the sleeve of Shane’s shirt, trying unsuccessfully to pull him. He was letting Beth and Maggie kiss Judith goodnight and they wouldn’t stop, the both of them giggling and tickling her. They’d all spent the entire evening sitting around the table exchanging stories and laughing. Getting a taste of laughter earlier that morning with Rick had made Shane realize how much he missed being able to. 

For a long time, it hadn’t felt like they should be laughing. To focus on being alive was hard enough, knowing all that they’d lost was painful enough that it just felt out of place. Laughing, smiling, having a good time didn’t fit into this world. It seemed wrong. But now that some of the pressure had seemed to lift by having a safe place to stay, having a plan, and being surrounded by good people, he wondered if maybe it was okay. More than okay, maybe it was necessary. 

Shane laughed. “Okay. We’re coming, we’re coming. Goodnight,” he told them. Beth turned to go to her own cell, but Maggie gave Shane a wink and he scowled at her, knowing what she was thinking. 

“She’s already falling asleep,” Rick told Shane. 

Shane sighed. “She’s alright, Rick.” They’d tuckered her out, passing her around to hold and cuddle. He kissed her and laid her down. Rick sat down and pulled his boots off. 

“You’re a chatty Cathy all the sudden, aren’t you?” 

“You’re just mad ‘cause I told that story about us getting caught skinny dipping in the lake that time.” 

“Did you have to mention that it was my idea?” 

Shane laughed. “Well, that’s my favorite part.” 

Rick poked him in his ribs and he jumped back, moving to lay against the wall. “Quit that, I’m trying to sleep.” 

Rick laid next to him, pressed almost completely against his back and Shane froze. “You been talking nonstop all evening and now you wanna be quiet?” 

He’d spoken directly in Shane’s ear and he tried hard to not shudder at the feeling. “You got something you need me to say?” 

Rick stayed where he was, quietly breathing in Shane’s ear. 

“Hmm?” Shane prompted, when Rick never spoke. He turned his head as best he could to look at Rick, and their faces were close, their noses almost brushing together. 

“No, I don’t guess I do.” 

Shane sighed, both relieved and disappointed. Rick moved back and Shane rolled over. He put his head on Rick’s chest like he always did and Rick’s fingers moved up to run through his hair and he closed his eyes. 

“So, you had a good day.” He wasn’t asking this time. He knew. Shane nodded, knowing that Rick could feel the movement of his response. “Good.” 

“You?” 

“Mmhmm. It was good.” After a few seconds, he laughed. “You know, you got me thinking, reminding me of that time.” 

Shane knew what he meant. “You say that like we only ever did it the time we got caught.” 

“Yeah, but it was your idea to begin with,” Rick told him. 

It had been. It had just been too hot that summer and spending all day at the lake hadn’t been enough, so one night they’d snuck out and gone in. Something about being naked made it more fun. Then of course, the time in question, the time they got caught just happened to be a day they’d cut out of school early when Rick was complaining miserably all day and finally had had too much, suggesting to Shane that they head out to the lake. He’d agreed, figuring that no one would be around anyway. He’d been wrong.

They’d gotten off with a warning and hadn’t been allowed at the lake for the rest of the week. 

“Never seen your face that red,” Shane laughed. 

Rick sighed and Shane had a feeling that his face was just as red now, even all these years later, even in the dark when they were alone. 

“Yeah, well, you weren’t much help.” 

Shane didn’t embarrass easily, so none of it had really fazed him. He’d mostly just had a hard time keeping the grin off his face watching Rick squirm uncomfortably. “Really, I wasn’t much help? Didn’t I tell your folks it was all my idea?” 

“It was, in the beginning!” 

“Uh huh, and who kept dragging me off into corners between classes, begging me to cut school and drive you to the lake?” 

Rick didn’t respond and Shane laughed. “Told you.” He rolled over onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows. “Come on, aren’t you gonna tell me I’m right? You know how much I like hearing that.” 

“Not a chance. And you’re crowding me now, get back where you were.” 

It was more crowded that way, but he’d wanted to see Rick’s face as best as he could. He couldn’t do that lying down. “Say it,” he insisted. 

“You got me off the hook my with parents,” Rick said finally. “Seemed like the least you coulda done.”

“Like you didn’t enjoy it each time. You jumped every time I brought it up, if I remember correctly. And you know I always do.” 

He was sure Rick was looking embarrassed again, but he couldn’t tell for sure. “Not gonna tell anyone, Rick. It’s just you and me,” he told Rick quietly. 

“I lost track of how many times we snuck off in the middle of the night. Something about doing it in the middle of the day seemed like it’d be more fun.” Rick’s quiet, musing tone painted the picture of those days in Shane’s mind. The Georgia heat, that clear blue water, the same color as Rick’s eyes. 

“And it was. Until we got caught. You remember how much coaxing it took me to get you out there again?” 

Rick had been dead set against ever setting foot in that lake again, dressed or not. “Well, you did start trying just a couple hours later,” Rick reminded him, a smile in his voice. 

“You know how hot it was that day. Couldn’t sleep for how sticky it was, so we had nothing better to do anyway.” 

“Right,” Rick agreed. 

“But you kept turning me down.” Shane laughed. “I got you back out there before too long, didn’t I?” 

“Yeah, well, when do I ever tell you no?” 

They were quiet, until Rick surprised him by saying, “I wish we could find another place like that. It’d feel pretty good some days, don’t you think?” 

“Mmhmm. That’d be real nice.” 

“It’s strange, sometimes, talking about before. Doesn’t feel right somehow. I know we used to think that we shouldn’t. But maybe we should. Do you think?” 

“Can’t be bad, talking about things that make you happy.” 

Rick mumbled an agreeable sound. “You…you make me happy. It’s almost like how it felt before, but it’s different, too. Isn’t it?” 

Shane took a quick, quiet breath. “Yeah. It is.” 

“I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks so.” 

Now seemed like a really good time to bring up some of the thoughts he’d been having. The thoughts he’d always used to have. He couldn’t seem to form the words, though. It had been one thing when they were kids. And it had been easier to consider doing when he’d been drunk, but now after everything, he wasn’t so sure anymore. As if things between them weren’t complicate enough already. He might make things worse. 

So he tried a different angle. “Maggie said she thought it was good for us, having each other to lean on like this. Good for Judith, too.” 

“Mmhmm.” 

He nodded, even though he didn’t think Rick could see. “I don’t wanna fuck this up,” he said after a while, because it was true and he needed to say something and that was the best he could do. 

“Yeah, I’m right there with you.” 

Shane laughed, because Rick had no idea. He moved to lay back like he had been before, the way he always did. He’d never wanted to keep secrets from Rick again, but this one was different. He had no idea how this would change things, and he was too nervous to find out. He lay there for a while, thinking that Rick was asleep, trying to figure out what he should do. 

“Shane?” Rick whispered. 

“Yeah?” He asked, surprised. 

“Just wondering if you were still awake.” 

“I’m awake.” 

“Okay.” 

“Why? Did you wanna say something?” 

Rick didn’t say anything and the silence felt tense. 

“Not exactly,” Rick said finally. 

Now he wished he’d kept his mouth shut. He closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep. Then Rick kissed the side of his head and his eyes opened again. He started to speak, even though he wasn’t sure what words were going to come out, but Rick shushed him and kissed him again. “Goodnight.” 

“Night.” He smiled. It didn’t exactly solve any of his problems, but it made him feel better anyway, and he closed his eyes, knowing he’d be able to sleep now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These boys are too much. Though I skipped a lot of school in my day, it was never to skinny dip in the lake. I bet Shane could've easily talked Rick into it, though.


	8. Chapter 8

They kept up their routine over the next couple of weeks. Everyone would have their assigned tasks to handle during the day and would return in the evening to eat dinner together. There was a sense of normalcy that they hadn’t had in a while. It was nice to be able to breathe easy again. Shane and Rick still spent every night together, never having to stop and talk about it. When they’d first started, he got nervous each night, wondering if Rick would tell him he’d decided to go back to his own bed. Shane wasn’t sure he’d be able to get used to sleeping alone again. 

Everyone seemed to know and no one said anything, other than the ribbing Shane would get from Maggie pretty much every day. One day when Beth had wanted to go on a walk outside with Judith, they’d stayed behind and she’d told him he should get over himself and tell Rick. 

“It’s not that easy, you know,” he’d told her. After two nights of Rick kissing him gently on the top of his head, he’d been unable to keep it to himself and told her. 

She’d smacked his arm. “Are you serious? That’s a good sign!” 

“Yeah, but what exactly am I supposed to do? It could still be a friendly thing to him. I could be reading it wrong.” 

“You could, but I don’t think you are. It’s not exactly sexual, but it’s probably more than friendly. He never did anything like that before did he?” 

“No.” 

“So, there you go. It’s a good sign,” she repeated, sounding sure. 

Shane wasn’t sure. He thought about it each night; they would lie down and he’d wonder for a few seconds if Rick would still do it, and without fail, each night he would. Just a quick kiss pressed to his hair or to his temple before he said goodnight and they fell asleep. 

Well, Rick would fall asleep. Shane would usually be awake for a while longer, his mind racing. He thought about doing what Rick had done, just casually kissing him. But Rick always waited until they were settled in and ready to sleep, so it would require him to either do it beforehand or move around afterward. Or just tilt his head up and kiss Rick on the mouth, like he really wanted to, but that wouldn’t really leave any question as to how he felt, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet. 

Of course, each morning Maggie would manage to drag him aside and ask him if he’d made his move yet. He was beginning to feel a little pathetic, and he was pretty sure that even though they would step away from Beth when they would bring it up, she knew exactly what was going on. He’d felt her watching him and Rick at dinner before and when he’d caught her staring, she’d given him a big smile. 

It was bad enough to have Maggie on his case, he didn’t need Beth giving him looks all the time, too. They both eyed him when he and Rick got up to go to bed and he tried not to notice. 

Over the weeks, it had been getting warmer and warmer, and he’d already sweat through the T-shirt he’d changed into when he’d come inside. Judging by that, it had officially gotten too hot to sleep with blankets. Had Shane been in his own bed in his own house, he'd've been naked with the air conditioner blaring. He knew he and Rick should've been honest and said it was just too damn hot to share a bed anymore, but he thought they'd both gotten too comfortable with it. Neither of them thought anymore. It was routine to put Judith to sleep and stumble into bed, working to find the spot that just did work so that they both fit without risk of falling.

He pulled the blanket off the mattress and tossed it onto the top bunk. He stopped when he looked at Rick, who was unbuttoning his jeans and stepping out of them.

"You...." He couldn’t finish his sentence. 

"I know, but it's just too hot."

He nodded his agreement before doing the same and pulling his shirt up over his head and undoing his jeans, discarding them both on the floor. They climbed into bed.   
Being so close to Rick with neither of them wearing much was overwhelming and he tried to distract himself. "How long have we been doing this now?"

Rick tucked one arm under the pillow. "You know I can't keep track of time anymore. It's gotta be summer though, doesn't it?"

"Mmhmm," he agreed. They were close enough that he could feel the heat from Rick’s body and he could only imagine that he wouldn’t be sleeping much tonight. He didn’t think he could rest his head on Rick’s chest like he normally did, because touching his bare skin would be too much for him. 

He didn't know what he was trying to get at by asking questions. It didn't really matter and the distraction wasn’t working. He could still feel his body reacting. Maybe it’s the heat or maybe it’s the fact that they’re almost naked and in bed together and this was so close to being exactly what he wanted that night when they were sixteen that he couldn’t ignore it. 

This had happened a handful of times. Rick would politely ignore if Shane ever woke up hard and pressed against him and he was sure that he wrote it off as run of the mill morning wood. And it was. For the most part. It was easier in the early morning to pretend that’s all it was, but he was pretty sure he’d have a tough time explaining himself right now. He pressed his back into the wall as far as he could, keeping a sliver of space between him and Rick. 

"What's with you?"

"Huh?"

"You usually don't fall asleep without laying all over me, just wondering if I did something to offend you."

"Naw, it's just hot."

"I can go...."

"No."

"Okay," Rick agreed. "I didn't want to go anyway."

Shane laughed quietly. Rick was on his back, like usual and he was staring at Shane.

"It's not like you won't end up over here by the time the night’s over anyway. Might as well start sweating now." He moved closer and pulled Shane over to him.

"Rick, don't." But it didn't matter. There had only been a small amount of space between them to begin with and Rick had brought him close enough to touch. Rick's hand on him froze when Shane's body pressed into his.

He should've been able to apologize or say something, anything that might make it less awkward, but his mouth wouldn't seem to move.

"Shane?"

"I'm sorry," he said finally.

Rick hesitated for a few seconds, grasping for words. "You, uh.... No, I'm sorry.” 

He laughed at Rick's tone. Like he'd interrupted something, not like they were in bed together and the explanation was pretty obvious. “Rick, listen, this is uncomfortable, and I haven’t wanted to say anything. I don’t wanna screw anything up between us. We’ve got a pretty good thing going here.” 

“Okay….” 

“But you must know by now, right?” He was talking circles around what he wanted to say, unable to get the actual words out. 

Rick sighed. “I don’t know.” 

“You don’t get how I feel about you?” He hedged. 

Rick shifted around. “Shane, I’ve been waiting for you to say something. You know, my whole life I’ve heard these stories about you and girls. You just talking your way into bed with any girl you wanted. I thought you’d be better at this.” 

He laughed. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I’m kinda making a mess of it, huh?” Rick was right. He’d never had a problem saying what he wanted or needed to get a girl to sleep with him. This was harder because he cared about Rick and there was more to lose. It wasn’t just him wanting to get off, he had feelings for Rick. 

“So which part is screwing you up? The fact that I’m a man, or the fact that we know each other so well?” 

“The fact that I don’t want to ruin our friendship or lose you in some way. I already messed things up once. Don’t think I’d be so lucky a second time.” 

“Why don’t we just try it out once and see what happens?” 

Shane couldn’t believe Rick’s nonchalance, but he didn’t really want to pass the offer up either. It might never come again. 

Rick didn’t wait for him to respond or make a move before he pulled Shane forward by the back of his neck and kissed him. Since he’d been thinking about this for years, he had a lot of expectations. But his mind went kind of blank and all he could think was that he was finally, finally getting what he wanted. He responded eagerly, pulling Rick as close as he could, until there was no space between them at all. He couldn’t stop himself from rutting against Rick’s leg. He was lucky that Rick’s mouth on his muffled the sound that he made. He pulled back, unable to forget where they were. 

“Rick, I can’t….” 

“Can’t what?” Rick mumbled against his mouth. 

“Judith’s just right there…. I can’t do this with her in here. It’s not right.” 

Rick chuckled. “You’re the last person I figured would be worried about something like that. She’s a baby. And she’s asleep. She doesn’t know anything, Shane.” 

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t.” 

“Yeah.” Rick agreed. “Okay. We’ll wait.” 

He didn’t want to wait, but it didn’t feel right to him. He couldn't do it. “But I can have Beth take her tomorrow night. If you would wanna keep this up.” 

“Don’t you think she’d ask questions, her keeping the baby, knowing you and I will both be here?” 

It would. It would confirm what Beth already thought and probably please Maggie to no end when she found out, ensuring that she'd badger him even more than she already did. “Don’t worry about that. Just say you’ll be here tomorrow night.” 

“I’ll be here,” he promised.


	9. Chapter 9

Rick was already gone when Shane woke up the next morning. Him and Judith both, so Shane got up quickly and headed out to see where they'd went.

Beth was the only one inside, feeding Judith her breakfast. “Hey, where’s Rick?”

She turned to him and smiled. "Good morning. He said he wanted to get an early start. Everyone’s out working in the field."

Completely distracted by Judith, his thoughts of Rick were momentarily forgotten. "How's she doing today?" He watched her, eating happily. 

"Perfect. She was really hungry when Rick brought her out."

He nodded. “Thanks for taking care of her.” 

"Sure. Is something wrong? You look worried."

He shrugged, trying to look casual. "Nope. No. I'm good. Is Maggie busy today?"

"She and Glenn went into town. Why?"

He sighed. "Nothing. It's fine." Maybe she'd get back soon and he could talk to her. He paced around, wondering what he should do in the meantime. 

"You know, if something's wrong, you can talk to me," Beth told him. "I'm not Maggie, but I'm a good listener."

He wanted to tell her that he knew she was a good listener, but this was just an adult issue that he wasn’t exactly sure she was the right person to be discussing it with.

"Did something happen between you and Rick?"

"What?" His head snapped up, looking at her. "What do you mean?"

"Did you finally tell him how you feel or something?" She sat down, still holding Judith close.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You don't?” She asked. “'Cause I know you and Maggie talk about it all the time."

"She told you?" He asked, finally dropping the pretense. He sat down across the table from her. 

"She didn't have to. I figured it out on my own. So you did tell him." She grinned.

"More like he told me." 

"So, he feels the same way. That's great news. What's wrong then?"

This was the tough part. He couldn't exactly tell Beth, a teenager, that he wanted her to watch his daughter so he and Rick could do...whatever it was that they were going to do. He wasn't sure what exactly that would be, but he knew that she didn't need to know about it.

"Nothing's wrong."

"Something is. Or you wouldn't wanna talk about it. Unless you're just bragging," she laughed.

"You best not let your dad hear you talking like that."

"Is that why you won't say anything to me? You think I'm too young and I won't understand?" Her tone was a little more sullen than he was used to hearing from her and he guessed that they all did sometimes leave her out of any adult issues. 

He didn't doubt that she'd understand. He knew she wasn't stupid. But something felt wrong about talking to someone her age about something like that. "Look, you're not a kid anymore, and I get that. I’m sure you’d understand just fine. But I also know that I wouldn't want a guy my age talking to my daughter when she's your age about sex. It's not right." That didn’t quite cover it, but he hoped she’d understand his concern. 

"Okay," she shrugged.

"But I will ask if you'd maybe keep an eye on the little one tonight for us?"

He figured that was a fair compromise. That way she still got to know what she wanted to know, but he wasn't oversharing anything inappropriate. There was no way to ask her without her figuring it out anyway. By the morning, he figured everyone would know. 

"Yeah, I can do that. I'll keep her tonight and I'll make sure she's taken care of in the morning. You don't need to worry."

He nodded. "Thanks for that."

She handed Judith to him so that she could start cleaning up, but every so often he'd see her look and him and try not to smile.

He spent some time with Judith before finally handing her back to Beth and going outside to help out, hoping to fill the time before they could come inside. No one acknowledged when he came out, and Rick looked busy. 

“Hey,” he told Rick. “I didn’t get my work assignment for today.” 

Rick looked around before stepping closer. “I’m more concerned about later.”

“Is that right? So what, you don’t wanna wear me out now, ‘cause you want to later?”

He tilted his head to one side. “Something like that.” 

Shane couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, fuck. Alright then. Guess I’ll just go inside and relax until then. How’s that?” 

"You do that," Rick told him, his tone indifferent.

"What, seriously? You want me to go inside and wait for you? Should I just go lay on the bed until you get in there?"

"Did you ask Maggie to watch the baby?" Rick changed the subject.

"Beth's gonna watch her. You know people are gonna start asking questions knowing that she's not with either one of us but we're still together, right?"

Rick shrugged, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his arm. "When did you ever care what anyone thought?"

Rick wasn't wrong about that. He nodded. "Okay. I'll just be going then. See you later." He stepped back slowly, waiting to see if Rick would stop him, but he wasn't making any move. He just went back to his work and Shane sighed, turning to walk back inside.

He avoided Beth's gaze when he came back in and headed toward his and Rick's cell to gather some of Judith's stuff for later. He hated the thought of leaving her for the night, but it wasn't like she'd be too far away. After putting it in Beth's cell he went back out to talk to her.

"If she needs anything tonight, you come get me and Rick. Anything at all. Whenever it is, it doesn't matter."

"So, I should interrupt, if that's the case?" She asked, not even trying to hide her smile.

"Yes." Shane chose to ignore the look on her face and picked Judith up. "You know, maybe Maggie isn't the only troublemaker in your family."

She shrugged, smiling again. "Don't tell my dad."

The day went by a lot quicker than he figured it would, spending time with Judith, enjoying holding her since he knew she’d be further away tonight. It would be the first night since she was born that she wouldn’t be sleeping close enough for him to easily reach over and touch. But he couldn’t imagine him and Rick doing anything with her right there next to them. It made him too uncomfortable. She’d be right down the hall, safe with Beth. He had to keep reminding himself that. 

By the time dinner rolled around, he wasn’t hungry. He’d never been nervous over something like this before and he didn’t know what to do with himself. Rick seemed to be keeping his distance, heading in to take a shower without saying anything to Shane first. 

Maggie did manage to corner him, though, and he had to quiet her because she was speaking so loudly. “I knew it! Didn’t I tell you?” 

“Will you be quiet? I’m sure everyone’ll be talking about it enough come morning, I don’t wanna give them ideas already.” 

“It’s not like Glenn and I didn’t take a fair amount of teasing when you all knew what we were up to.” 

He narrowed his eyes, about to warn her against starting anything in the morning, but Rick stepped into the room and nodded at him. Maggie pushed him forward. “I think someone’s waiting for you.” 

He walked over to Rick, far enough away to be out of earshot of anyone else. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” 

Rick really wasn’t giving him much to go on. “So, are our plans still the same?” 

“Well, you weren’t waiting for me on the bed like you said, but I guess so.” 

He rolled his eyes. “You’re not funny.” 

Everyone was starting to get ready to head for bed, so it didn’t feel too obvious, but he knew a few eyes lingered on them as they kissed Judith goodnight and then walked away, leaving her with Beth. 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Rick asked, once they were alone. 

He was. It was just new. “She’s in good hands. I told Beth to let us know if she needed anything.” 

Rick nodded slowly. “So…are you ready?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, a cliffhanger. How juicy.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, warning: Porn ahead.

“I’m ready,” Shane assured him. 

Rick nodded. “Okay.”

As much as he’d thought about being with Rick, it had never been in specifics before and he suddenly realized that he was entirely out of his element. Watching Rick undress in front of him wasn’t something new, but every other time it had been in the showers at work. The glances had been hurried and brief. Rick was being so deliberate; slowly taking his clothes off, keeping his eyes locked on Shane the entire time. 

Shane wasn’t exactly nervous, but he wasn’t quite sure what to expect. 

“Aren’t you gonna join me?” Rick asked. Shane realized he’d just been standing there, staring. 

“Yeah.” He quickly began undressing himself, his eyes cast downward, avoiding looking at Rick. 

“Hey,” Rick took him by the shoulders and pulled him closer. “Are you okay?” 

He looked up. “I’m good.” He was, and he knew he was. 

“Something’s wrong.” 

“I’m just….” 

“Nervous,” Rick finished. “It’s okay to be nervous. I know it’s not something you’re used to, but it happens to the best of us.” 

He laughed. “Yeah, well, when you’ve built something up in your head for most of your life and you finally get it, it’s kind of a weird feeling.” 

“That long, huh?” Rick asked with a smile. 

“Don’t get cocky.” 

“I wasn’t.” He stepped closer, resting his hands on Shane’s hips. He still had his jeans on, but they were undone. “It’s just cute, that’s all.” 

Shane scoffed. “Cute. Yeah, right.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I said.” Rick pulled him closer and leaned in to kiss him. He’d filed that feeling away in his head from last night. Kissing Rick wasn’t like anything he’d experienced before. Since he’d only ever done this with women before, it couldn’t have felt more different. Rick was just a bit shorter than he was, so he didn’t have to tilt his head down or stoop down lower, like he did sometimes with women who were a lot shorter than he was. Rick’s beard was rough against his face. He liked it. They fit together. 

Rick’s hands were still on his hips, and he moved his to do the same. Rick had stripped down to his boxers and Shane found himself a little afraid to move forward, but he did it anyway, closing the distance between their bodies and feeling Rick pressed against him from the chest down. 

Rick tugged at Shane’s jeans, slipping them down as far as he could while still maintaining their contact. Rick moved back, breaking their kiss. 

“Hey, come back,” Shane told him. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. You’ll get what you want. Just wanted to take your jeans off.” 

They both worked at pulling his jeans down his legs and Shane stumbled back to sit down and hurried to unlace his boots and pull them off so that he could kick his jeans the rest of the way off. Rick laughed quietly. “No need to rush, you know.” 

Shane scowled at him. “Get down here.” He moved back on the bed so that there would be enough room for the both of them. Rick settled himself in between Shane’s legs, pulling Shane close and kissing him again. His hands ran up Rick’s sides to his chest. 

“So, how do you wanna do this?” Rick asked, breaking the kiss and moving to bite at Shane’s neck. 

His eyes fell closed and he tilted his head to give Rick better access. “What?” 

“You wanna be on top or should I?” 

A hot jolt of pleasure ran through him just at hearing Rick say that. “Uh…fuck,” he was distracted by Rick biting down a little harder. “I don’t know.”

“You’ve been thinking about it, but you never imagined?” 

“Not in such specifics, I guess.” Rick’s hands slid along his leg, stopping when he was close enough for Shane to feel the heat from his hand. 

“Hmmm.” He ran his fingertips up and down slowly, not getting nearly close enough to where Shane wanted him. “Well, you gotta let me know.” 

Maybe this was why he’d never let himself go there. Because this was far more personal than anything he’d ever done. It had been easy to have sex with any of the women he’d been with, either casually or in a more serious relationship. But with Rick, it was something else. He wanted it to mean something more. 

“I-I don’t know if I can….” 

“If you can what?” Rick whispered, his fingers finally ghosting along the outline of Shane’s cock through his boxers. 

It was an overwhelming idea, the thought of Rick inside of him, but it didn’t scare him, the way he had thought it might. 

“I’m good either way,” Rick continued. “You just tell me what you want.” 

“You’d wanna do that?” Shane asked, surprised he was able to form such coherent words as Rick’s fist wrapped loosely around his dick. 

“Have you inside me? Ride your dick? Yeah, I’d wanna do that.” 

“Fuck.” He had to get ahold of himself or this would be over before it started. “You’re sure?” 

“I said I was.” 

Shane moved his hand down to tug at the waistband of Rick’s boxers. “Take ‘em off.” 

He moved to shimmy out of them and tossed them down to the floor. Rick told him to do the same and he followed suit. “Okay, now what? ‘Cause I know you gotta have something in mind.” 

Shane gave Rick a grin. “Thought I might do something for you, before we get into all that.” He licked his lips. He could tell by the look on Rick’s face that he understood, but he shook his head. 

“You know, you don’t have to do that. This is for me, too. Pretty sure we’ll both be enjoying ourselves.” 

“Yeah, well, I wanna do it anyway.” 

“You sure?” 

He’d never done it before, but he figured it couldn’t be too hard to figure out. And seeing Rick’s cock, hard and already shiny with precome confirmed it for him. He did want it. 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay. Go on, then.” 

Rick leaned back, the picture of ease and comfort, and Shane moved down and wrapped his hand around Rick’s cock, surprised by how different it felt from his own. He would’ve guessed that it would feel much more similar. There was a difference in size, but he wasn’t paying much attention. He moved his hand up and down, too caught up in enjoying the slide of smooth skin. Rick moaned quietly and Shane smiled. “Feel good?” 

“Mmhmm.” 

“I bet I can make it even better.” He didn’t ease in like he maybe should have; he leaned down and slid his mouth down about halfway. He tested out sucking at the same time he moved lower and was rewarded with a low groan. He glanced up at Rick and from what he could see, his head was thrown back against the pillow. He only wished he could see the look on his face. He was surprised that feeling the head of Rick’s cock in the back of his throat wasn’t as uncomfortable as he’d imagined. He opened his mouth a little wider and took him deeper before sealing his lips tight around him again. 

“Fuck, Shane,” Rick moaned.

He pulled off then, unable to keep from talking any longer. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. “Good, huh?” 

Rick huffed out a laugh. “I’m not even gonna give you the satisfaction of answering that.” 

“You wouldn’t even know it was my first time, right?” He boasted gleefully. 

“How ‘bout you shut up and get back to work?” 

Normally, he would’ve wanted to make Rick beg for it, but he decided to be nice and did as he was asked.

He slid his mouth down again, this time focusing first on the head, licking and sucking hard, waiting until Rick was panting and pulling at his hair before he sunk down lower. He breathed through his nose and let Rick slide down the back of his throat and fought back the urge to gag and cough. He slowed just for a second before regaining his composure and continuing. He swallowed and Rick cried out. Had his mouth not been full, he’d have quieted him, but he had to admit, he wasn’t exactly concerned anymore with who knew what they were doing and didn’t care if they all heard. He wouldn’t have stopped even if someone walked in. 

“Fuck, Shane, you have to stop. Stop,” he tugged sharply on Shane’s hair. 

He increased the suction for a few more seconds before he finally pulled off. “Why in the hell did you make me do that?” 

“’Cause I don’t wanna come yet.”

“Why?” 

Rick pulled him forward into a kiss and found himself even more turned on at the thought of Rick tasting himself in his mouth. He licked into Rick’s mouth, stroking their tongues together. 

“I wanna come when you’re inside me,” Rick mumbled when they broke apart. 

“Fuck. Yeah, okay. Yeah.” He wasn’t quite sure what came next. He’d done this before, with women and he knew that he couldn’t just do this without any sort of preparation. “What should I….” 

“Oh yeah,” Rick leaned over and rummaged around for something and then shoved a bottle of lube at Shane. “Found that a while ago. Thought it might come in handy.” 

“Good thinking.” His stomach tightened a little at the thought. This was actually happening. He poured some of the lube into his hands, rubbing them together to warm it up. “Ever done this before?” 

Rick looked at him for a few seconds before finally responding. “No. I never did. I thought about it, though.” 

Shane nodded. “Waiting for me then, weren’t you?”

Rick laughed. “Right.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you.” 

“Like you’re some kinda expert.” 

“You trust me, though, don’t you?” Shane asked suddenly serious. 

“I wouldn’t have told you that I would do it if I didn’t trust you, you idiot.” 

“Alright,” Shane agreed lightly. He stroked over Rick’s cock a few more times before trailing his fingers lower. “Relax, okay?” He pushed the tip of one finger inside. “You good?” 

“I’ll let you know if I’m not. It’s good, keep going.” 

He wouldn’t normally have been so cautious, but he didn’t want to hurt Rick. He let him get used to the feeling, gentling pushing in and out. 

“Feels good,” Rick told him. 

He swallowed. “Good. Ready for more?” 

Rick nodded and Shane pressed a second finger inside. As much as he wanted to rush and as badly as he wanted to feel Rick around him, he knew he needed to be careful. He eagerly took in Rick’s reactions, watching his eyes flutter closed, his mouth fall open, the small noises coming from him. When he felt like Rick was ready, he added a third finger. 

“Getting closer now. You ready for it?” 

“Mmhmm.” 

“What’s that now?” He crooked his fingers and Rick rocked back against him. “Couldn’t hear you.” 

“Do that again.” 

Shane did, and was rewarded with a loud keening sound. 

“That’s enough. I’m ready.” 

He didn’t think he could hold himself back anymore. “You’re sure?” 

“Quit fucking around. I said I’m ready.” 

Shane took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. Okay.” He slowly pulled his fingers out, loving the sound of protest Rick made. He slicked his cock with some more lube and positioned himself over Rick. “Stop me if it’s too much.” 

They were nose to nose when Shane eased inside, completely overwhelmed at the feeling; the tight heat. “Fuck, you feel so good.” 

Rick didn’t respond with actual words, just a moan before he buried his head in Shane’s shoulder. He set a slow pace, keeping himself from thrusting as hard as he could and losing himself in the feeling. 

“Shane,” Rick groaned. “Move. Harder. Come on.” 

He stilled, biting his lip to keep from giving in to Rick’s request. “Naw, I’m gonna go slow. Drag it out, make you wait.” 

Rick’s hands grasped Shane’s shoulders tightly and he canted his hips upward, causing Shane to laugh. “Yeah, you want it real fucking bad, don’t you?” 

Rick growled at him and continued clawing at Shane’s shoulders and wrapped one of his legs around Shane, shifting up to quicken the pace, and he moaned at the feeling of being pushed deeper into the clenching heat. “Fuck.” He couldn’t keep up teasing Rick, it was too much. 

“Alright, I got you,” he soothed. He grabbed Rick’s other leg and pulled it up, holding onto both of Rick’s thighs and moved faster. “That feel good?” 

“Fuck, you know it does.” 

“You gonna come for me?” He needed to feel Rick come around him. He let go of Rick’s leg and wrapped a hand around his cock and Rick gasped and moved into the touch before quickly shifting back again, reveling in both sensations. “Yeah, that’s it. That’s it,” he murmured. 

“Shane…Shane….” 

“There you go, baby. Come on, Rick. Come for me.”

He did, with a drawn out noise that quieted as he went, like he remembered somewhere in the back of his mind that he was supposed to be keeping it down. Shane watched wide-eyed as come splashed onto his stomach, feeling Rick tighten around him. He stopped moving, held his breath, and waited. 

“Keep moving,” Rick told him finally, his voice hoarse. He couldn’t stop himself. He thrust in a few more times, watching Rick’s cock twitching at the sensation until he couldn’t hold back any longer. He slumped forward, biting down on Rick’s shoulder to keep from making too much noise. All of his muscles went lax and he wrapped himself around Rick.   
“Why’d we wait so long to do that?” He asked finally, and Rick laughed. He shoved Shane and he moved over, lying next to Rick, keeping him pulled close. 

“I don’t know, guess we should’ve shared a bed sooner.” 

Shane hummed and agreement and leaned closer to kiss Rick again. “So, we are gonna do that again, right?” 

“What, now?”

“Not now,” he rolled his eyes. “Eventually. Soon. Regularly. As often as possible.” 

“Hmm. I suppose we could. You keep an eye out for more lube when you go out on runs.” 

“I’ll do that. Maybe we can swap places next time.” He laid his head down on Rick’s chest, ignoring that they were both sticky with sweat and come. 

“You’d do that?” 

“Well, you seemed to like it. Moaning and carrying on like you were.” 

Rick laughed. “Shut up.” 

He felt himself slowly starting to fall asleep. “Rick….” 

“Yeah?” 

He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, but he felt like there should be some words he could say that would tell Rick how he felt, how much this meant to him. He nuzzled closer to Rick, his lips brushing against his neck. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“You better be.” 

“And I don’t want you to go. Ever.” He wrapped his arm around Rick, keeping him as close as possible.

“Good, ‘cause I wasn’t going to anyway.” 

He smiled and settled in, feeling sated. He fell asleep quickly. 

***

The next morning, they woke up filthy and wishing they’d cleaned up before sleeping. 

“I feel disgusting,” Rick told Shane, and Shane laughed, teasing Rick about his pouting.

“We should get up.”

It would have been nice to stay in bed all day, but they got up anyway, both eager to see Judith after spending the night away from her.

“Those are mine,” Rick told him, watching as he stepped into the boxers he’d picked up. 

“And?”

He shrugged. 

Shane pulled him forward and kissed him. “I can put my dick in you, but I can’t wear your boxers?” 

“Just thought I’d mention it.” 

They continued getting dressed, stealing kisses in between. “We both need showers. Bad.” 

“Yeah,” Shane agreed. “Pretty bad. I wanna see Judith first though.” 

Rick nodded happily and they headed into the kitchen. Everyone was sitting around, eyes on them when they entered the room. Beth and Maggie started to clap and after a few seconds, everyone else joined in. 

Rick looked at him, his face a mixture of humor and embarrassment. “Well, I guess they know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END. 
> 
> And they all lived happily ever after at the prison and it was safe and no one died and Rick and Shane had lots and lots of sex. Because that's how it should be.


End file.
